Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we're making bets on your personal life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
