i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
