nut hugger
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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