hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
