why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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