My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
