you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
