my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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