Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
