Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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