i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
