That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
