Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
