I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
