That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
