Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
