My boss' voice literally gives me gas
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
