He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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