I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
