I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
