Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
