i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
