I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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