I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
