fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
