She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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