Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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