her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
