Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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