Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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