I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
