I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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