There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
