I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
