So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
