Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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