$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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