There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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