Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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