nut hugger
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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