we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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