I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I didn't notice because vodka
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
