Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
