Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
