Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
one might say we're banned from that church
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
