Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Dicks are not precious.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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