I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
