wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
