i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
