The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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