is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
