WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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