He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
