My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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