She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
