i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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