Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
