I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
