this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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