I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
