I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
