Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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