..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
