it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize