Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
